Staring death in the eye (work in prigress)

Staring death in the eye

Cancer, heart attack, car accident, suicide, falls down stairs, cancer, murdered, dies at childbirth, aids, old age.

You may wonder why I am listing all these ways of dying? Well I am sitting in a major coffee shop with my lap top writing what I see. What am I seeing? How people die.

You probably think I am crazy, well no unfortunately for you its true. You see I have a rare gift, no a curse. Call it what you will this “ability” allows me to see how people die.
I know what you’re thinking get the straight jacket, but its true. Now this is where I begin my sad story of life and death and how I witness it every day.

It all started when I was 10 years old I was in grade 5 and my world was about to be turned upside down, inside out and around in circles. My grandmother, my best friend was on her death bed, we were visiting her. Little did I know it was the last visit I would get to have. My mum obviously knew this so she gave me and my brother 10 minutes each to say our goodbye, being the youngest I went last. She started with the the words I neaver want to hear again, although many times in my visions I have. Those two words that shatter world like glass. “I’m Dying”
That’s only one way to destroy a 10 year old though. The next thing she said was that she has an incredible secret that she has never told anyone and that she is trusting me with it. Step two on how to destroy a ten year old. I can’t keep secrets for shit. But this is my grandmother my best friend that I would do anything for so I reluctantly said ok.
She told me she has the a gift and it has been past down throughout every generation to the youngest child in the family at the time of the givers death.
Step three on how to destroy a ten year old. I hate responsibility.
She takes a breathe and a harsh cough follows, even this young I know death isn’t far off with his scythe and black cloak.
She takes me my hand and with a faint dry whisper she said she is passing it on to me. The last words she whispered were “The vision of death”. I didn’t understand it at the time but as she died it was as if I saw it playing twice at the same time. Once in front of me but also in my head, like a movie in my mind. Except this was real and happening in front of me.
That was it she was gone, I hugged and kissed her for the last time. She was still warm, my tears seemed to glisten on her skin like shiny little diamonds. It was then my family walked back into the room. Within seconds the video player of my mind played again this time showing my mother and brother dying. I won’t say how but it is something a ten year old doesn’t need to see.
I understood vision of death now. But was it real? What had grandma done, my best friend had dammed me forever. Step 4 to destroying a ten year old.
I was screaming horrifically now after randomly seeing how my family died. Not only that but it pinpointed the exact time to the second and what day of what year it would happen.
My mum came to my side and hugged me
“Don’t die Mummy!” I said whilst tears raced down my cheek
“I’m not gong anywhere” as she comforted with her warm arms that felt like the support of my favourite doona
“Bt you will die mummy and leave me”
“Not for a while yet”
She hugged me and held me closer now. I knew what she said was a lie, she died last year and I knew for ten years it was coming.

So growing up with this hasn’t been easy everyone at school I mer I saw how they died, you get use to it. I found a satisfaction when I knew people died old and peacefully in there sleep rather than die young. I also found a sick satisfaction the three bullies who made my life hell since I was 13 all died of drug overdoses. You may call it harsh, I call it karma

I have never let slip of my gift. I was trusted to keep it a secret, I haven’t told a soul.
This has been the hardest I have been put through many shrinks not one ever gets close as to what is wrong. Most of them seem to think it is just the loss of my grandmother and a long grieving process. I am diagnosed as clinically depressed and mentally imbalanced and whatever else. I have to take so many drugs but that is what you get when everyone one thinks your crazy as a coconut.

So you could only imagine how hard living is when there is death all around you. You may wonder why I haven’t committed suicide. Well even though I can’t see how I die (unfortunately it doesn’t work like that) I just have a gut feeling that killing myself is not how I die and that there is more to this gift than meets the eye. It is hard to explain how it works. When I look a person in the eyes I see in my head how they die, doesn’t matter how nothing is spared. And in the corner is a time and date stamp just like when you record something on a video camera, this tells me the time and date of when they die. You could imagine I have seen some pretty horrific stuff. One of the worst that I can recall is seeing a five year old girl get stabbed in a petrol station by a robber who accidently ran into her as he was fleeing. Some of the images like still haunt me to this day, it really makes you question humanity a lot more. Statistically about 65% of the deaths I see are from old age closely followed by your diseases like cancer, then most other things like murder, suicide, car accidents, drugs are pretty even sharing around 10%. But walking around the streets you see a lot of people that means a lot of different deaths. I usually try to walk with my head down and not make eye contact with people but sometimes it can’t be helped. Trains are the worse I find myself staring at everyone for a few seconds and seeing the deaths of the commuters. I don’t even realize I am doing till about the tenth person, it is like scratching your ear I guess sometimes you really want to scratch it other times you don’t even realize you are doing it.
One thing I have discovered is that I can’t help people change how they die. It is already decided by God or what ever forces decide these things. Once I was walking down the street and met the eyes of the most beautiful woman, she was going to get hit by a car whilst crossing the street that day at 3:35pm. I looked at my watch and it was 3:35pm I ran to her and grabbed her back as a car sped around the corner missing her foot by inches. She thanked me with the little breath she had that wasn’t knocked out of her. I walked on after that and five seconds later heard a thump and the sound of a car speeding off. It was her; the same woman lay with blood everywhere only meters from where I last saw her. I looked up at the clock tower that surrounded the whole city then at my watch. Clock tower 3:35pm. My watch 3:36pm. After that I changed my watch back according to the clock tower, even then after I tried to help people it worked the same way. It just seemed it would happen anyway at the same time. I can’t explain it, but I learned after many attempts that trying to prevent death is changing the future and you can’t do that.

*editors note: the story goes on from here and goes into the point of view from his wife who can do the same thing and their son who can't but learns about it from them and how he feels about dying. There is a line that sums up death for me from Brand New's Jesus Christ "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm a little scared of what comes after, do I get the gold chariot, do i float through the ceiling". I also plan to make this into a play one day using video as the visions they have of death. Hope you enjoy.